I guess I wasn’t over it…

The last time I really thought about my failed breastfeeding experienceS (yes, because I failed with both my kids), I thought I had come to terms with it. I thought I was finally able to let it go, and I had come to terms with the fact that it just wasn’t for me. Both times I tried hard. Both times it didn’t work. And I had come to think “oh well, this does not mean I am a bad mother.”

I thought I was completely over it, until my husband started bringing up the subject of completely cutting dairy out of our kids’ diet. For months, we have been arguing about it, and I have finally given in. Now that I think about it, the fights were really unnecessary. I am not even sure why I was fighting his opinion so hard. I mean, duh! There ARE alternatives to cow’s milk. In fact, there are a lot of them.

Anyway, in a last ditch effort to convince me, he asked me to watch a lecture by Walter J. Veith called “udderly amazing”. So I did. And after about 10minutes in I turned it off. Not because it was boring. But because this supposed “scientist” (who, by the way does not believe in evolution) said that breastfed children had higher IQ’s than the ones who weren’t. And smuggly added “that’s a fact.” – I wanted to reach through my computer screen and punch this fucktard out.

It struck a cord – a very sensitive, deeply hidden string attached from my heart to my soul. There it was again. Another blaming comment for mothers like me, who weren’t able to breastfeed their kids until their teenage years (I’m exaggerating, of course, but I’m still pissed). Leave it to some idiot, some MAN, to make such a belittling comment.

I mean, what the fuck?! Parenting is hard, haven’t you heard?! It’s already hard enough, without stupid people and stupid comments. So I cried, and yelled at my husband because I needed someone to blame and I needed to work through my feelings. My husband had no clue about my emotional attachment to breastfeeding. I never really told him about it, and somewhere I don’t think even I knew it was still bothering me. Yikes.

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2 thoughts on “I guess I wasn’t over it…

  1. I don’t know how much I can type here and now, but, oh, man.

    I am traveling ATM. Like with my older boy, traveling coincides with weaning. I just manually expressed in a hotel bathroom.

    I am so excited and sad it’s almost over. It took me six wees to get my older son nursing, and I spent pretty much every minute of it convinced I was a terrible mom because I could not make it work.

    We did get going, eventually. It was easier by far with my second one. But now, now I feel so vehemently not that breast is best but that (as a blogging friend wrote) fed is best.

    Some jerk can single out one factor and expound on it in the abstract all he likes. But parenthood is about juggling multiple considerations, always, rendering any single lecturer’s isolated opinion on an isolated piece of parenthood completely and totally acontextual … and useless.

    • Thank you! I could not agree more, but for some reason, in that moment it really hurt.
      Parenting is really hard, and like you said: we’re always considering options and situations. Blaming mothers or others for the way they do certain things, without being in their shoes is just wrong.

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