Mama guilt

I can’t help but admire my kids everyday. From a totally objective point of view: they are the 2 most handsome boys on the planet. I’ll just let that sink in for ya 😉

My boys were born 15 months apart, and to those wondering: no, baby 2 was no accident. My husband and I wanted our kids to be close in age, so they would always have someone to play/argue/be with.

Although there is absolutely no question of regret about having our boys so close in age, I can’t help but feel guilty, at times, that I haven’t noticed every little thing my second son has done or accomplished so far – mostly because having 2 kids so close in change makes your life crazy busy, to the point that you barely have time to shave your legs!

I feel guilty sometimes, that I haven’t written as much in his journal as I have for his brother. I feel guilty sometimes, that I could never really remember how many weeks old he was until his first birthday (first time moms, you know what I mean!).

He is such an independent little guy, too, that it is almost hard to “baby” him. He does not like to be held for too long, and he definitely does not like to hold your hand to walk. He does not like to be rocked to sleep, or even to drink his bottle. He does have his moments when he wants to snuggle, and let me tell you: I take full advantage of those! But sometimes I wonder: is this just his personality or did he become like this from me not having enough time for him?

The second possibility gives me some serious anxiety and I wonder if I’ll every get over it…

Turns out, although some situations of motherhood gets easier with practice (remember the first bath you ever gave your baby?), it is not the case for insecurities.

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