50 Shades of barf! (3 reasons to skip this stupid trilogy)

Alright, before you get your panties in a wad because you absolutely LOVED the trilogy, let’s be clear on 1 thing: I didn’t even finish the first book. Why? Because it sucked. And since this is my blog, I get to say whatever I want, so if you disagree, feel free to keep reading and leave a comment, or you can just exit this post.

With the film coming out next year, there has been a lot of talk about 50 Shades of Grey, the books and the characters. I see a lot of people around me picking up the first book, wanting to get a head start on the story before they watch the film.

Here is the truth, however: this series should not even be called literature.

#1 – Anastasia is an idiot.
I have so many issues with this character that I don’t even know where to start. This 20 something year old virgin is so naive that she just sounds stupid. I’m pretty sure that if I knew someone like her in real life I could never resist the urge to shake her. Some people might find her “innocence” endearing, but I just find it irritating. She is gullible and frankly just makes other women look stupid. She becomes transfixed in the presence of a complete stranger, she falls in love with him so hard within the first 5 minutes that she can barely talk… really?
She is obsessed with his hips and his fingers… why? How is that even a thing? Women do not stare at men’s hips or how their pants fit just right. They just don’t, so let’s stop pretending that men’s hips are hot.
She is a virgin, and yet has not problem jumping right into bondage/hardcore sex. Really? Ladies, do you remember your first time? Exactly, enough said. Everyone is free to have their own sexual preference, but trying to make readers believe that BDSM would be THAT enjoyable the first time around, for a virgin, and that romantic is simply ridiculous.

#2 – Christian is a prick.
The guy is clearly a megalomaniac asshole who buys his way through everything. He falls in love with Ana (although, that’s not really clear until the end of the book) but acts like a jerk the whole time. He’s got issues, which, again, some people might find endearing, but I just find it annoying. He puts a lot of efforts into pulling Ana close and then rejecting her. Their little “I love you… not!” dance just get more and more frustrating as the book goes on.

#3 – The writing is just awful.
The story is empty. There is nothing there that would get an avid reader to stick to this book. The romantic aspect of the book is like a mixture between fairytale and teenage drama series. Some dumb girl falls in love with an ubber successful young sexy ass man, who also falls in love with her but has emotional issues and neither of them knows how to connect with the other… except in the bedroom.
Concretely all they do is have sex. ALL.THE.TIME. Fair enough, that’s possible. But other than the sex scenes, nothing much goes on. I’m sorry, I’m all for kinky, but if there is nothing else in there, then I won’t even bother reading it.

I am an extensive, intensive, reader. I have read hundreds of books in my life and I don’t discriminate. I have read everything from fiction to non-fiction, to historical, romance, thriller, etc. I.LOVE.BOOKS. And usually I am a big fan of series, which is why I thought I would give this one a try (especially after hearing all these positive reviews)… but it sucked. I might try again, but I seriously doubt it. I think the only reason why people actually read it is because of all the sex – some even describe it as “mommy porn” – and are getting all excited because they get to fantasize vicariously through this book. People, do yourselves a favor and get kinky with your partner, you’ll be a lot more satisfied than by reading this junk.

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