My husband is an expert at it. It is the most frustrating thing in the universe. “It” is: the wishy-washy dance. What’s that, you ask? Let me explain.
My husband has this talent for changing his mind a lot. He’ll make plans a certain way, and as soon as I’m on board, he’ll change his mind… over and over. It’s to the point that I don’t know what he’s thinking sometimes and he doesn’t know either.
Most of the time, although this habit is quite annoying, it is harmless. He’ll be unsure about what to eat for dinner or what to watch on TV. No big deal.
There has been one thing lately, however, that he’s been wishy-washy about and that is starting to freak me out and make me angry all at the same time: Baby 2. We are now 12 weeks along and we just had an ultrasound on Friday. Everything looked great, we got to admire our little one doing flips and showing off his/her feet. We got to hear a perfect heartbeat of 167. I was in awe, just like with every ultrasound we had for our first baby… until I looked over at my husband. He was yawning and looking bored. At first I though it was because of his late work shifts lately, and then it kind of dawned on me that he has not exactly been very interested or invested in this pregnancy. At least, not as much as with the first. He’ll show some interest here and there, but maybe (without exaggerating) only about 5 minutes a week. He’ll mention having to find a name, and then nothing for days. He’ll tell our son “you’re going to be a big brother!” and then nothing else for days. What is going on?
When we first found out we were pregnant with Baby 2, he asked me when we should start telling people. I told him that I wanted to wait a little while, just because I wanted to enjoy this pregnancy for myself since the first one was so “public.” In fact, I wanted to wait until we found out the sex, but he kept saying that it was too long, so I settled for the end of the first trimester. Which is now. On Friday, after our ultrasound, I told him that he should call his parents and text his siblings to let them know the great news. I thought he would be so excited to share the news of this little blessing…. and nothing. He still hasn’t told them. When I ask him if he told them yet, he does the wishy-washy dance and gives me a “oh yeah, I will in a little while” or “oh not yet, I’ve been busy.” He’s avoiding it, I know it. But why?
Is he embarrassed because our kids will only be 16 months apart? Is he embarrassed that Baby 2 joined us a bit earlier than we expected? I don’t know. A few weeks ago, his sister had a miscarriage. She was 8 weeks along. Could he be embarrassed that we’re pregnant and well but she’s not? I don’t know. But I have this weird feeling in my stomach that he’s not completely on board with this pregnancy and I don’t like it.
I need my husband. I need my partner. I need his support to take on this pregnancy the same way I took on the first one: fiercely and fearlessly.
I’ve been thinking about ways to bring this up to him, I haven’t really chosen my words yet or the right moment. Writing this post is helping me get ready to have a talk with him about this situation.
Until then, nothing, and no one, will stop me from enjoying every minute of this beautiful adventure. Until my husband snaps out of his funk, I have more than enough love for this little person inside my belly to cover for both of us.