One year older… one year wiser?


So here we are, on the 28th anniversary of my birth. Man, that makes me sound old. But seriously, as I’m (slowly) coming to the end of my 20s, I am starting to realize that aging definitely has its goods. I used to think that getting older was all bad, but really it’s not. In fact, I am proud of my age. And women who refuse to talk about their age, or act so self-conscious about it, are missing the point… but I digress.

From 19 until 24, I was in an abusive relationship. I thought it was love. I thought love had to be painful and complicated. After all, doesn’t it make sense that your feelings are hurt all the time? It shows you care, right? I remember the last year into the relationship, I was even getting ready to settle. I had accepted the idea that I was going to be with an asshole for “the rest of my life” – because we had been together for so long, how was I supposed to ever be single after that? My clock was ticking, might as well stay with him. Right? One of my girls kept telling me “don’t settle for half-ass.” She was right, of course but I was scared: how could I just leave and give up on everything? That was just the problem. I had spent the whole time in that stupid relationship trying to make it work. What an idiot. When he finally left me, I cried tears of relief.

I was almost 25, single and freaking out. My damn clock was ticking even louder by then. Was I going to be “one of these women who has her first kid at 35?!” Hell no. I don’t know why but just the thought of that freaked me out. But then I realized that I had been wasting the last 4 and a half years thinking about that, trying to make a fucked up relationship fit my plan. What if the universe just had a different plan for me? I just needed to stop trying to control everything. And when I did, life became good.

When I met my husband, I finally understood what a relationship, a real one based on love not power, was supposed to be about. We never fought. We have been together for over 3 years, and we have had 1 fight. Yes, that’s it. 1. With him, thanks to him, I learned that a relationship should not hurt. I learned that it was possible to disagree and talk things out. I learned that every disagreement does not have to turn into a screaming match. I learned that I can have my own opinions without being scared. I learned that I can express my feelings freely without being judged. I learned to be loved.

We got married 1 year and a half after we met. We were ready. 10 months later we welcomed our baby boy into this world. It has now been 7 months, and life is good.

I am getting older, and I am not afraid. I realize that my past is not me. It has helped me become who I am today, it has shaped some aspects of my personality… but I am not my past. We only move forward, so why be afraid of another year? I am not anymore. My age is a symbol of how far I have made it. It is a reminder that life goes on. It keeps me grounded and and kindly whispers to me here and there, that I am lucky to be here today.

Maybe, I am getting wiser after all…. until I turn 40, ’cause it’s just all downhill from there 😀


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