In life I believe that we all have soul-mateS. Yes, with an “s.” They are the people who add a piece to your heart, like a jigsaw puzzle. When they are around, everything fits perfectly together. There are only a few people who qualify, but those who do give you strength and make you whole. The universe is funny that way. It gives you more than one soul-mate, so that if something happens, your heart is not completely broken.
One of the pieces of my heart went to heaven on Saturday. Pancreatic cancer claimed her, at 28 years old. So young, too young. She was my best friend since childhood, and now life will never be the same. She played an immense role in my life, and I am the woman I am today also because of her. We knew each other’s secrets and thoughts. We needed each other. I still do.
I hate that people are telling me “she would want you to be happy” – what the hell do they know? I hate that people are telling me “you’ll be ok” – how the fuck do you know? I will never be ok with what happened. When someone you love dies, you can never really get over it. Time does not heal this kind of heart break. The only thing that time does is make you become stronger each day that goes by so that you cry a little bit less each day.
One of my soul-mates, a big piece of my heart, is gone. Here I am, with a gaping bleeding hole in my soul. Only the memories will be able to bandage my injured heart. Only the memories and love we had will help stop the tears. But for now, I want to embrace every second of this pain. I need to.
I will never forget her, never.