A piece of me is gone

In life I believe that we all have soul-mateS. Yes, with an “s.” They are the people who add a piece to your heart, like a jigsaw puzzle. When they are around, everything fits perfectly together. There are only a few people who qualify, but those who do give you strength and make you whole. The universe is funny that way. It gives you more than one soul-mate, so that if something happens, your heart is not completely broken.

One of the pieces of my heart went to heaven on Saturday. Pancreatic cancer claimed her, at 28 years old. So young, too young. She was my best friend since childhood, and now life will never be the same. She played an immense role in my life, and I am the woman I am today also because of her. We knew each other’s secrets and thoughts. We needed each other. I still do.

I hate that people are telling me “she would want you to be happy” – what the hell do they know? I hate that people are telling me “you’ll be ok” – how the fuck do you know? I will never be ok with what happened. When someone you love dies, you can never really get over it. Time does not heal this kind of heart break. The only thing that time does is make you become stronger each day that goes by so that you cry a little bit less each day.

One of my soul-mates, a big piece of my heart, is gone. Here I am, with a gaping bleeding hole in my soul. Only the memories will be able to bandage my injured heart. Only the memories and love we had will help stop the tears. But for now, I want to embrace every second of this pain. I need to.

I will never forget her, never.

 

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4 thoughts on “A piece of me is gone

  1. I am so sorry–for your loss, and for the callous words veiled thinly by the pretense of compassion. When people say such things, what I hear is, “Your sadness is inconvenient to me.” Sadness will be what it is as long as it needs to be. Almost four Yeats after my mom’s death and I still grieve. It’s different than it was at the beginning and I have learned to live without, but the missing her is something that will be part of me always, as well it should be for one who had so great an impact on my life.

    • Absolutely. There is nothing worse than fake compassion. Sometimes we just need to feel our emotions. I think it makes people uncomfortable and they don’t want to deal with it, you’re right.
      We will always miss our loved ones, because they were exactly that: LOVED.
      I’m very sorry about your Mom, too. But you know, the little pinch in your heart when you think about her is there to remind you that she’ll always stay with you.

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